Do you love me?

Have you ever had a tough year? How about a tough few years? I don't know if I can say that the entirety of the past few years has been tough. There have certainly been amazing things taking place. I have a great church, great wife, great house, and great friends. I have however found myself filling my life with things that are causing me to fall further away from my God.

See, before I went to Ecola Bible School, I spent time praying and studying the bible every day. Every day during bible school I prayed and spent time in the Word. Since then, it has been a constant struggle.

I have heard from so many people, "Man, I wish I was in full time ministry. Just thinking of the fact that I can study the bible as my job is amazing." What they don't realize is that being in ministry makes it harder to read the bible for yourself. It is a constant battle.

Recently I have been convicted.

Convicted over my lack of spending legitimate time with Jesus.

I heard God ask me, not in an audible voice, but a voice in my spirit, "Branden, do you love me?" "Of course I love you, look at how I serve you and preach your word" "Then why don't you spend time with me" Then, a dagger just shot through my heart. I realized I had neglected HIM for his work. Did I listen? No. I continued on my merry way. Shortly after, we had the same conversation. Same result. Finally, about a month and a half ago I heard "Branden, do you love me?" and for the first time I was able to answer honestly. "No Lord, I don't." I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Jesus. He is my life and my salvation, but do I LOVE him? No.

I had lost my first love.

My conversation with Jesus might sound familiar because it is the very same conversation Jesus has with Peter at the end of the book of John. He asks him three times if he loves him. Then he responds with, "then feed my sheep (or lambs)" I had those backward. I was feeding the sheep without truly loving Jesus like my soul needed.

So, my journey for the past month or two has been just diving into HIM.

So, I ask, do you LOVE him? Have you neglected your first love for something else?

On a side note, I have really had the sense that God is going to do something big. I have a sense of revival and that he is going to legitimately raise up a generation to change the world. I get the sense that it is going to happen soon. Will you join me in seeking the face of God to be instruments in his work?